Confessions.

I cheated on my sister.

I know, I'm giving out all sorts of secrets, but it's a sad day when you double back on family. And, all in the name of yogurt.

My mom and I were at our new fancy mall, okay, so it's been fancy for awhile, we just hadn't been out there since they added Tiffany, Burberry, and other stores I'm too poor and un-stylish to even merit a second glance from the sales associate. Well, anyway, part of the addition was an awesome, practically gourmet food court. Alright, so there's a Subway....why does that dumb sandwich shop always ruin everything??

Walking past, we found a little self-serve yogurt bar. My sister recently opened a shop of her own so we decided we would do a little investigating. We looked at the toppings. Nothing to worry about...small selection, sad variety. Then as we were tallying the number of machines and checking out flavors the guy came around and asked if we wanted a sample. Now really, am I ever going to pass up a freebie??

I noticed they had a couple of what are called 'tart' flavors which are my sister's favorite of all the hundreds she'd tried so I wanted to sample that of course. It was DIVINE! Sweet, refreshing, with a little tart and tangy on the back end. DELISH! Even better than the plain was the BLUEBERRY TART!

Well, we went on our merry way around the mall and couldn't stop thinking about the tiny morsel of heaven we'd had earlier. So, we ended up back at the yogurt bar for a treat on our way out. The next day we were back at the mall for a "master class" I'll tell you about later, and would you know it, we weren't even hungry and stopped by for a yogurt!

So, sorry sista, I cheated. TWICE! Next time I have the craving for yogurt...which has been every day since I had it...I'll know it's worth every mile of the drive for some SCREAMIN' good YOGURT!

But Wait, There's MORE!

There's a running gag in my family about my dad buying stuff off of infomercials. Actually, I guess not a gag as much as a fact: My dad buys stuff off of infomercials. (I hope I'm not exposing a dirty little secret. Sorry Pops.)

It started probably before I can remember, but my first introduction to these products was "Quick-n-Bright." Ahhh, that pink paste was my nemesis as the infomercial so proudly demonstrated it would take oil off of driveways. Even as an eight-year-old I realized it wasn't the magical product removing the oil but the fact that after a couple hours, I'd scrubbed the concrete completely away with the metal wire brush I'd been instructed to use.

Next, the Heath-Rider. Now found at every local Goodwill and D.I. around. Don't get me wrong, this piece was used pretty well, not in anyway it was designed to be though, before we donated ours to the local thrift store. Mostly it was an eyesore of a contraption in the corner of our living room for multiple years.

After that I remember Oxi-Clean...BEFORE it was reputable and came to Costco. The only product I really remember performing as it was advertised to do. (P.S. I do love this stuff, and only recently discovered it's wonderful stain-fighting genius....bought from the store, not the television.)

Countless others followed, each added a little more to the joke than the last. At least one new thing a year. My personal favorite of the last year is the Malibu Pilates. Now, this thing is not for the faint of heart. It means business. I tried just the introduction to the machine one evening and there are some pretty tough moves. Kinda fun to pump the pedals, more fun to watch others doing it.

Even Christmas is not safe as my mother was given yet another infomercial-purchased gift.



Well, I've found myself on the couch awake MANY more night than I've wanted in the past month trying to get over this cough. I've tried to be a good wife and let Brian sleep through the nights without being disturbed, but truthfully, it's a little aggravating to hear someone next to you breathing deeply, dreaming sweetly while you can't even lay down! So it's out of frustration I pull out the sheets and drape them over the couch for a night of cat naps interspersed with honey and lemon tea. I usually turn the T.V. on at about 3am when my eyes are too tired to play games on my iPOD or read a magazine and let me tell you, that it PRIME infomercial time! Nothing else is on...and I mean NOTHING!! The whole menu all the way down reads something like this:

Paid Programming
Paid Programming
Paid Programming

I usually just scan the channels to be entertained until my medicine kicks back in, but I have to tell you, at that magical hour when no human brain can think clearly and the delirium sets in, the products seem viable!! I'm not kidding! In the last 3 weeks, there have been not one, but TWO things I literally almost bought!

First this fancy knife almost as good as the "Ginsu" that cuts through shoes. I know...it seems crazy, but it had a weighted handle and everything. They were slicing and dicing with no effort at all. PLUS, it was clearance priced! I can't ever pass up a good deal but told myself I would NEVER buy something from the television. The next morning, I was still thinking about it and decided I could find it on the website. But, SOLD OUT! (Secretly I'm happy it's gone so I wouldn't have to live with the shame of hypocrisy.)

Next, in true infomercial fashion this cool workout thing called "The Wave." It just looked fun. It could turn into a step and all these other positions to target different areas. It guaranteed results too good to be true and I believed them! Yikes. Anyway, I was too tired to get up and glad about that because by the morning I came back to my senses. That's how you can tell you would have been ripped off. When your brain cells come back to life, you can see the holes in their marketing strategy.

So, there you have it. Last night I skipped the TV all together as I've had little sleep in the last few days, my will power and brain power is at an all-time low. I realized it would have been my night to be had by the infomercial empire.

Confessions

So, after church today, I might have hit the garage door opener 85 times before, (no not parking my car and going in the front door like a normal person), BACKING UP A LITTLE and trying another 85 times. That seemed to do the trick.

Yeah, I'm not proud of that, but I refuse to get a new battery for the darn thing. I can always open it around the block if I remember in time, and I usually find the sweet spot after 5 or 6 clicks. My neighbors must think I'm the hugest Mrs. Lazypants as I do cheer leading moves with my arms, clicker in hand, to find the magic connection.

Tomorrow I vow to fix the thing so I don't have to be embarrassed or ashamed anymore.

My excuse flies at 300 Miles an hour

That's the speed at which I cough...at least that's what the doctor said. But I believe it! In fact, I took a bath to soothe my cold and I actually coughed bubbles right out of the tub! Better yet, one night I was coughing so much that the dogs down the street started barking with me! It's a little funny now when I think about it, but so embarrassingly pathetic at the time it made me cry. It might have been the delirium of no sleep for a week that brought on the tears also, I'm not too sure.
Anyway, this cold I've had about 6 weeks is the best excuse i've got for my blog-update delay. But it's here now...and I vow to be better in 2010!

(and yes I ALWAYS say I'm going to be better about more frequently blogging, but I've truly been inspired by a friend's blog that this year it will happen!)